Well, this may be way too much self-disclosure, but here goes! The slides form a sequence. And while they do not seem to have any special relationship to “leadership,“per se, I assure you the same dynamics show up elsewhere and in many subtle ways. This causes me alternatively to laugh right out loud at myself or just weep. Such storyboards are a great way to illuminate old patterns and choose new responses.
My Relationship with My Father
My Relationship with My Mother
My Later Relationships with Women
Wow — a powerful and inspiring unfolding!
Seems very relevant to leadership, to me, as I believe an essential — but very challenging — component of effective leadership is to identify and embrace (!) one’s shadows.
Two minor nits: I’m surprised that you include intensity and drama in the shadow category. I see intensity as an aspect of your gold (could it be attachment that is the shadow piece? it is for me). Having just finished re-reading Finite and Infinite Games: A Vision of Life as Play and Possibility (by James Carse), I don’t see drama as a shadow piece. Drama is an essential part of infinite games … it is theatricality (associated with finite games) that I believe Carse would identify as the shadow side of drama. Although this was one of the more mysterious (for me)distinctions he makes, I think it has to do with the difference between being able to predict outcomes (in drama, outcomes are unknown, in theater, outcomes are scripted). In any case, for what it’s worth, I personally don’t place drama in the shadow column.
Beyond these minor nits, I can identify closely with nearly all of your storyboards … no doubt, this is why I feel such a strong bond with you outside of your storyboards … of course we could argue about whether we are more than the sum of our storyboards (I like to believe we are).
Oh, one more thought: is this “Everything You Wanted to Know About Me But Were Afraid to Ask” or “Everything I Wanted You To Know About Me, But Was Afraid To Tell”?
In any case, I honor you for your willingness to share all of who you are!
Ha! Good call on the re-titling, Joe. As to drama and intensity; the reason I put them in the Shadow column is illustrated by the picture of “My Later Relationships with Women” where I am clearly only living in my own reality without reference to the actual relationship going on. This is especially true when I feel compelled to express myself in intense, dramatic ways rather than choosing to do so. When something “leaks” or “points to” a wound in a compulsive way it suggests the influence of Shadow.
The term drama in this context could also be related to the well known concept of the the Drama Triangle in which people take turns playing persecutor, rescuer, and victim. The Story Board by its nature reduces a complex reality in order tell a story. If you look closely, you’ll find all of these roles. Again the unconscious aspects are what makes this “drama” fall in the Shadow. Once the roles are out in the open and new responses are chosen, as in the last three pictures, the drama fades in favor of the gold (in this case, an aspect of masculinity) that is being re-claimed.
But you are absolutely correct that these are squishy terms and sometimes what I might see as Shadow others might see as gift. Ah, subjectivity! Ah, how little we know!
When I was young, I always felt that there was some great secret that everyone else knew that I did not know. I always felt like an outsider. And anyone I have ever heard talk about such things felt like that, too. Is there anyone that felt like they were on the inside?
And if it is so important for us to be able to connect with each other, then why is it so hard to do?
Marianne
Thank you for these two oh so difficult to answer questions. Perhaps when two people are truly conscious of their “outsiderness” and recognize it in one another, they may begin to “connect.” That would express a willingness to take the risk of disclosure and begin trusting. If two people go on to learn to help one another recover from their aloneness and mature in their understanding of it, they might connect in a second, deeper way, expressing a real commitment to one another’s growth. If two people learn to receive the true gift of being with one another without losing themselves or trying to own each other as a cure for separation, that of course would be love. And if one person, having lost another, still holds to the full radiance within and the “interbeing” that transcends all separations and losses, well, maybe that would express the heart’s full realization.
Oh, Dan I enjoy your courageous sharing–love the storyboards… may you continue to express your heart’s full realization 🙂
And in case you haven’t already discovered it, you may appreciate my friend David’s clever reframing of the Drama Triangle in his book, The Power of Ted. You can explore it here: http://powerofted.com/main/…