Everything You Wanted to Know About Me But Were Afraid to Ask

Well, this may be way too much self-dis­clo­sure, but here goes! The slides form a sequence. And while they do not seem to have any spe­cial rela­tion­ship to “leadership,“per se, I assure you the same dynam­ics show up else­where and in many sub­tle ways. This caus­es me alter­na­tive­ly to laugh right out loud at myself or just weep. Such sto­ry­boards are a great way to illu­mi­nate old pat­terns and choose new responses.

My Fam­i­ly

My Rela­tion­ship with My Father

My Rela­tion­ship with My Mother

My Rela­tion­ships at School

My Social Relationships

My Lat­er Rela­tion­ships with Women

A Bet­ter Way

A Bet­ter Way 2

A Bet­ter Way 3

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5 Comments

  • Wow — a pow­er­ful and inspir­ing unfolding!

    Seems very rel­e­vant to lead­er­ship, to me, as I believe an essen­tial — but very chal­leng­ing — com­po­nent of effec­tive lead­er­ship is to iden­ti­fy and embrace (!) one’s shadows.

    Two minor nits: I’m sur­prised that you include inten­si­ty and dra­ma in the shad­ow cat­e­go­ry. I see inten­si­ty as an aspect of your gold (could it be attach­ment that is the shad­ow piece? it is for me). Hav­ing just fin­ished re-read­ing Finite and Infi­nite Games: A Vision of Life as Play and Pos­si­bil­i­ty (by James Carse), I don’t see dra­ma as a shad­ow piece. Dra­ma is an essen­tial part of infi­nite games … it is the­atri­cal­i­ty (asso­ci­at­ed with finite games) that I believe Carse would iden­ti­fy as the shad­ow side of dra­ma. Although this was one of the more mys­te­ri­ous (for me)distinctions he makes, I think it has to do with the dif­fer­ence between being able to pre­dict out­comes (in dra­ma, out­comes are unknown, in the­ater, out­comes are script­ed). In any case, for what it’s worth, I per­son­al­ly don’t place dra­ma in the shad­ow column.

    Beyond these minor nits, I can iden­ti­fy close­ly with near­ly all of your sto­ry­boards … no doubt, this is why I feel such a strong bond with you out­side of your sto­ry­boards … of course we could argue about whether we are more than the sum of our sto­ry­boards (I like to believe we are).

    Oh, one more thought: is this “Every­thing You Want­ed to Know About Me But Were Afraid to Ask” or “Every­thing I Want­ed You To Know About Me, But Was Afraid To Tell”?

    In any case, I hon­or you for your will­ing­ness to share all of who you are!

  • Ha! Good call on the re-titling, Joe. As to dra­ma and inten­si­ty; the rea­son I put them in the Shad­ow col­umn is illus­trat­ed by the pic­ture of “My Lat­er Rela­tion­ships with Women” where I am clear­ly only liv­ing in my own real­i­ty with­out ref­er­ence to the actu­al rela­tion­ship going on. This is espe­cial­ly true when I feel com­pelled to express myself in intense, dra­mat­ic ways rather than choos­ing to do so. When some­thing “leaks” or “points to” a wound in a com­pul­sive way it sug­gests the influ­ence of Shadow. 

    The term dra­ma in this con­text could also be relat­ed to the well known con­cept of the the Dra­ma Tri­an­gle in which peo­ple take turns play­ing per­se­cu­tor, res­cuer, and vic­tim. The Sto­ry Board by its nature reduces a com­plex real­i­ty in order tell a sto­ry. If you look close­ly, you’ll find all of these roles. Again the uncon­scious aspects are what makes this “dra­ma” fall in the Shad­ow. Once the roles are out in the open and new respons­es are cho­sen, as in the last three pic­tures, the dra­ma fades in favor of the gold (in this case, an aspect of mas­culin­i­ty) that is being re-claimed.

    But you are absolute­ly cor­rect that these are squishy terms and some­times what I might see as Shad­ow oth­ers might see as gift. Ah, sub­jec­tiv­i­ty! Ah, how lit­tle we know!

  • When I was young, I always felt that there was some great secret that every­one else knew that I did not know. I always felt like an out­sider. And any­one I have ever heard talk about such things felt like that, too. Is there any­one that felt like they were on the inside?

    And if it is so impor­tant for us to be able to con­nect with each oth­er, then why is it so hard to do?

  • Mar­i­anne
    Thank you for these two oh so dif­fi­cult to answer ques­tions. Per­haps when two peo­ple are tru­ly con­scious of their “out­sider­ness” and rec­og­nize it in one anoth­er, they may begin to “con­nect.” That would express a will­ing­ness to take the risk of dis­clo­sure and begin trust­ing. If two peo­ple go on to learn to help one anoth­er recov­er from their alone­ness and mature in their under­stand­ing of it, they might con­nect in a sec­ond, deep­er way, express­ing a real com­mit­ment to one anoth­er’s growth. If two peo­ple learn to receive the true gift of being with one anoth­er with­out los­ing them­selves or try­ing to own each oth­er as a cure for sep­a­ra­tion, that of course would be love. And if one per­son, hav­ing lost anoth­er, still holds to the full radi­ance with­in and the “inter­be­ing” that tran­scends all sep­a­ra­tions and loss­es, well, maybe that would express the heart’s full realization.

  • Oh, Dan I enjoy your coura­geous sharing–love the sto­ry­boards… may you con­tin­ue to express your heart’s full realization 🙂

    And in case you haven’t already dis­cov­ered it, you may appre­ci­ate my friend David’s clever refram­ing of the Dra­ma Tri­an­gle in his book, The Pow­er of Ted. You can explore it here: http://powerofted.com/main/

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