{"id":103,"date":"2007-01-30T17:25:12","date_gmt":"2007-01-30T05:25:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/?p=103"},"modified":"2010-09-27T17:03:11","modified_gmt":"2010-09-28T00:03:11","slug":"leading-is-not-acting-what-roles-do-you-play","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/?p=103","title":{"rendered":"Leading is Not Acting: What Roles Do You Play?"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the sec\u00adond in a series of five posts on the jour\u00adney of unlearn\u00ading roles and life-scripts that inter\u00adfere with effec\u00adtive lead\u00ader\u00adship and per\u00adson\u00adal ful\u00adfill\u00adment. If you like, you can hear me read this post.<\/a><\/p>\n

In my pre\u00advi\u00adous post<\/a> I out\u00adlined the impor\u00adtance of \u201cunlearn\u00ading\u201d for lead\u00aders \u2014 how play\u00ading a par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar role such as \u201cmis\u00adun\u00adder\u00adstood vision\u00adary\u201d or \u201clone\u00adly king\u201d can obscure see\u00ading sit\u00adu\u00ada\u00adtions, peo\u00adple, and oppor\u00adtu\u00adni\u00adties with accu\u00adra\u00adcy. Uncon\u00adscious\u00adly play\u00ading a role reduces the pos\u00adsi\u00adbil\u00adi\u00adties for good deci\u00adsions and action. <\/p>\n

A first step in the unlearn\u00ading process is to deter\u00admine the most com\u00admon role or roles that you play. If you were going to learn how to be an actor, you might go to dra\u00adma school to learn how to play many dif\u00adfer\u00adent parts con\u00advinc\u00ading\u00adly. Lead\u00ading is just the oppo\u00adsite. Lead\u00ading is unlearn\u00ading the roles that we can\u2019t stop our\u00adselves from play\u00ading<\/em>. Good act\u00ading depends on wear\u00ading a seam\u00adless mask to tell a sto\u00adry, and nev\u00ader let\u00adting it slip. Lead\u00ading ulti\u00admate\u00adly requires sep\u00ada\u00adrat\u00ading our\u00adselves from as many of the masks and sto\u00adry-lines as pos\u00adsi\u00adble while encour\u00adag\u00ading oth\u00aders to release theirs, as well. <\/p>\n

In a com\u00adment to my ear\u00adli\u00ader post, Nick Smith of Life 2.0<\/a> says:<\/p>\n

We see that the sto\u00adry can\u00adnot affect the sto\u00adry teller unless the sto\u00adry teller starts believ\u00ading that the sto\u00adry is real\u00adi\u00adty instead of the aware\u00adness that cre\u00adates, strug\u00adgles against and ulti\u00admate\u00adly steps back and sim\u00adply becomes aware of them. And in see\u00ading this we are healed.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The essence of this work is \u201cunlearn\u00ading,\u201d \u201cunbe\u00adliev\u00ading,\u201d see\u00ading through the appar\u00adent\u00adly essen\u00adtial<\/em> fic\u00adtions of the sto\u00adry-teller self. And Nick is also right that this can be a moment of pro\u00adfound heal\u00ading. A moment that does\u00adn\u2019t need to take years \u2014 but only a moment of notic\u00ading and insight. More\u00adover, the illu\u00admi\u00adna\u00adtion can be more than just one sto\u00adry, one role, but of all of them at once. It can be see\u00ading how all the con\u00adstruc\u00adtions of self are ulti\u00admate\u00adly so many snowflakes in a rag\u00ading fire<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"#8.jpg\"<\/a><\/p>\n

But the trick is see\u00ading<\/em>, isn\u2019t it, what these roles are. After all, they may be deeply ingrained, hard\u00adly vis\u00adi\u00adble from the sur\u00adface of day-to-day con\u00adscious\u00adness. Only upon reflec\u00adtion, upon turn\u00ading inward do we sud\u00adden\u00adly have a chance to touch the sto\u00adry-teller\u2019s weav\u00adings. The \u201csto\u00adry-teller,\u201d of course is none oth\u00ader than we, our\u00adselves, cre\u00adat\u00ading out of the ten\u00adsions and con\u00addi\u00adtion\u00adal nature of life on earth, a sto\u00adry of who we are and what our being is all about. To free our\u00adselves is to notice, to invite aware\u00adness, deep aware\u00adness, of the roles we have set our\u00adselves up to play. Once, I wrote a song that began with this verse:<\/p>\n

The weaver\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands crossed the loom
\nLac\u00ading her bright\u00adest thread,
\nWhite she found for the bride and groom
\nDeep\u00adest blue for the lover\u00ads\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 bed.
\n
\nAnd when her day was done
\nAnd the earth grew cold,
\nAll her sto\u00adries spun
\nNei\u00adther young nor old.
\n
\nWhen the streets were filled
\nWith ghosts that pass,
\nAll the green fields tilled
\nInto heaven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s grass,
\n
\nThen she dreamed my life
\nIn the time\u00adless night
\nOf love and passion.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We dream our lives and then live them, unaware that they began in a dream. We are giv\u00aden a per\u00adson\u00adal\u00adi\u00adty, the Sufi\u2019s say, as a par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar les\u00adson to be learned and then tran\u00adscend\u00aded. Yet we are usu\u00adal\u00adly so much bet\u00adter at see\u00ading oth\u00aders\u2019 sto\u00adries and roles than our own. In fact, we char\u00adac\u00adter\u00adize<\/em> (make a char\u00adac\u00adter out of) oth\u00aders all the time. We tell their fables for them, often lac\u00ading in the pro\u00adjec\u00adtions of our own sto\u00adries through our feel\u00adings. That is actu\u00adal\u00adly a way to begin to unearth some of our own sto\u00adry-line \u2014 to see what we have pro\u00adject\u00aded onto the friends and strangers around us. If I am crit\u00adi\u00adcal of some\u00adone with a lot of mon\u00adey, per\u00adhaps I am say\u00ading, \u201cMy script is to not have enough.\u201d If I find myself ridi\u00adcul\u00ading some\u00adone as \u201cmoral\u00adly weak,\u201d what aspects of moral weak\u00adness (what\u00adev\u00ader that<\/em> means) will I ulti\u00admate\u00adly dis\u00adcov\u00ader in my own tale of myself?<\/p>\n

Indeed, much of self-knowl\u00adedge is knowl\u00adedge of the fic\u00adtions we weave around ourselves.<\/p>\n

Sink deep into your self for a moment. What is your self about \u2014 espe\u00adcial\u00adly when you reflect on your sense of self in your most impor\u00adtant per\u00adson\u00adal and pro\u00adfes\u00adsion\u00adal rela\u00adtion\u00adships? Can you find a \u201cyou\u201d? What emo\u00adtions come up for you in this self-exam\u00adin\u00ading inte\u00adri\u00ador space?<\/p>\n

A friend, encoun\u00adter\u00ading these ques\u00adtions, drew a pic\u00adture of a Darth Vad\u00ader-like hood\u00aded char\u00adac\u00adter point\u00ading down at a small, whim\u00adper\u00ading child at his feet. Think of the sto\u00adry that image tells; think of the role of the child with whom my friend iden\u00adti\u00adfied. What role might such a child, hav\u00ading grown up now, play in the world? The image of the child, of course, (and Vad\u00ader, too) are both essen\u00adtial fic\u00adtions. Indeed, my friend grew up to work in \u2014 and against \u2014 Cor\u00adpo\u00adrate Amer\u00adi\u00adca as a man\u00adage\u00adment con\u00adsul\u00adtant, his view of its lead\u00aders not much dif\u00adfer\u00adent than the Star Wars char\u00adac\u00adter, a favorite neg\u00ada\u00adtive icon being Jack Welch. <\/p>\n

A role, a sto\u00adry-line, is made up of repeat\u00ading behav\u00adiors and deep emo\u00adtions that run a pre\u00addictable course, telling the sto\u00adry over and over again. So to find out what scripts we hold, we do a search for these behav\u00adiors and for the feel\u00adings that go with them, and then we tell the sto\u00adry, and then name the role. If I were to con\u00adstruct a work\u00adshop to help peo\u00adple iden\u00adti\u00adfy their essen\u00adtial fic\u00adtions, here would be the home\u00adwork, answer\u00ading these four questions: <\/p>\n

1. What are the most impor\u00adtant repeat\u00ading pat\u00adterns you have expe\u00adri\u00adenced in your per\u00adson\u00adal rela\u00adtion\u00adships and rela\u00adtion\u00adships at work? <\/strong> Per\u00adhaps, as you read about the image cre\u00adat\u00aded by my friend, an image of your\u00adself also came to you \u2014 what was it? Describe the pat\u00adterns of behav\u00adior as if you were watch\u00ading them on video tape. What hap\u00adpens first, sec\u00adond, third, fourth, and in conclusion.<\/p>\n

2. What are the feel\u00adings that go with the pat\u00adterns?<\/strong> Where do your emo\u00adtions start out and where do they end up? To what end are you des\u00adtined or fat\u00aded by the nature of the pat\u00adterns and the emo\u00adtions that go with them? One way to look at this is in terms of what is hap\u00adpen\u00ading when you feel strongest and when you feel weak\u00adest. Imag\u00adine, in par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar, moments when you are \u201coffend\u00aded\u201d and must reply in some way. What then do you feel?<\/em> What then must you do?<\/em><\/p>\n

3. Now tell the sto\u00adry of your life.<\/strong> As if it were a fairy tale that need\u00aded telling. \u201cOnce upon a time, there was a.\u2026\u201d<\/em> and go from there, describ\u00ading how a pro\u00adtag\u00ado\u00adnist (you) ful\u00adfills a des\u00adtined path. This is the stage of find\u00ading your per\u00adson\u00adal myth. Dive down beneath the lay\u00aders of your cur\u00adrent cir\u00adcum\u00adstances to see what strange images, tri\u00adals, home\u00adcom\u00adings and res\u00ado\u00adlu\u00adtions bolt upward into con\u00adscious\u00adness from the sheer act of allow\u00ading imag\u00adi\u00adna\u00adtion momen\u00adtary reign.<\/p>\n

4. Name the role.<\/strong> Look\u00ading back over all this mate\u00adr\u00adi\u00adal, name a role that you play, that has the feel of a thread in your life. The role may not be all neg\u00ada\u00adtive, such as \u201cunde\u00adserv\u00ading child.\u201d The role is like\u00adly to have some good aspects and some neg\u00ada\u00adtive ones. This notion might turn \u201cunde\u00adserv\u00ading child\u201d into \u201cbehind the scenes angel\u201d just as my friend\u2019s role as a con\u00adsul\u00adtant and col\u00adleague might be bet\u00adter described as \u201cwar\u00adrior of the heart\u201d than \u201cshamed and con\u00adtrolled lit\u00adtle boy.\u201d The ques\u00adtion isn\u2019t real\u00adly whether the role is a \u201cgood\u201d one or a \u201cbad\u201d one. It\u2019s only about nam\u00ading the part, as if it were a char\u00adac\u00adter in a play \u2014 which is exact\u00adly what it is. If you are strug\u00adgling with this, you could ask your\u00adself a few ques\u00adtions about your favorite books and movies and the char\u00adac\u00adters you most iden\u00adti\u00adfy with. From an arche\u00adtyp\u00adal per\u00adspec\u00adtive (as if they were part, say, of a Greek or Roman myth), who are these characters?<\/p>\n

In my next post, I\u2019ll eval\u00adu\u00adate the costs of hang\u00ading onto these roles.\u2026<\/p>\n

And lest we forget\u2026this work is just plain old human<\/em> work, in a world which is imper\u00adfect, and for our\u00adselves, equal\u00adly imper\u00adfect. We have our sto\u00adries, but we can\u00adnot real\u00adly take on this task of under\u00adstand\u00ading unless we know how to love our\u00adselves, our fam\u00adi\u00adlies, and all the strangers of the world, and appre\u00adci\u00adate the flow of count\u00adless generations\u2026yes, lest we for\u00adget, com\u00adpas\u00adsion, feel\u00ading<\/em>, is the name of the game.\u2026 <\/p>\n

\"MomandGD.jpg\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My mother, 95, and my daughter, 14<\/h6>\n

<\/p>\n

Technorati Tags: Consciousness<\/a>, Self-Knowledge<\/a>, Transformation<\/a>, Journey of Unlearning<\/a><\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the sec\u00adond in a series of five posts on the jour\u00adney of unlearn\u00ading roles and life-scripts that inter\u00adfere with effec\u00adtive lead\u00ader\u00adship and per\u00adson\u00adal ful\u00adfill\u00adment. If you like, you can hear me read this post. In my pre\u00advi\u00adous post I out\u00adlined the impor\u00adtance of \u201cunlearn\u00ading\u201d for lead\u00aders \u2014 how play\u00ading a par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar role such\u2026 Con\u00adtin\u00adue read\u00ading Lead\u00ading is Not Act\u00ading: What Roles Do You Play?<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,29,22,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-consciousness","category-journey-of-unlearning","category-self-knowledge","category-transformation","entry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=103"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2601,"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103\/revisions\/2601"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unfoldingleadership.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}