Listen to me read this post.
This morning I again read the many fine comments related to Chris Bailey’s great November post, Is This What Leadership Looks Like? Chris uses the phrase, “dependency leadership model” to describe some of our most negative cultural conditioning about leadership. In the dependency model, the leader makes our decisions for us, grants us approval or disapproval in a parental way, caretakes us, and “knows all.” Meanwhile, we the followers defer to the leader’s apparent agenda, focusing more on his or her power than the group’s power as it works together.
The post got me thinking about the array of business owners, CEO’s, and presidents I have worked with over the years who have asked for help with direct reports — executives — who exhibit all the syptoms of this dependency, including lack of meaningful collaboration and lack of personal initiative. There are many reasons for these dynamics and a number having to do with th nature of hierarchy itself. In addition to the dependency behaviors, I have also frequently observed posturing, silo-driven “me first” thinking, and passive aggressiveness in team members’ responses to the CEO and each other. Sometimes that was fed and fostered by the behaviors of the top person. Sometimes it clearly was not. I continue to see hopeful signs with my clients that they want less and less to do with the traditional, ego-driven leadership approaches — and the dependent behaviors by reports that go with them.
The rub for the top person is often how to mentor people from dependency into autonomy so that everyone on the executive team expresses their own authentic, personal leadership. Thinking back about the best and most effective clients I have worked with, many themes come forward — for example in the way they delegate, how they co-create and communicate visions, how mutual expectations are set, how failures are not condemned but everyone is still held to important goals and standards, and mostly, how the growth of each person in the group is nurtured and fostered as a matter of fundamental trust. These things are not viewed as niceties, but as business essentials and there is a compact that developing personal awareness, strong interpersonal skills, and organizational sensitivity is all part of a mutual promise between leader and led.
The one aspect of this process that I find the most fascinating is the feeling that goes with the shift from dependency to autonomy. It is the fear of and escape from this feeling that often keeps an old system in place. I would call it, dropping into the Void. It is what happens when the autocrat disappears, either by a change of top leader or by a leader’s own growth. We assume that people jump up and shout “Hurrah! Hurrah! The King is Dead” but the truth is more complex. Democratic methods have their own prickly demands. What people find is that they are at least for some time lost, anxious and frustrated with lack of structure and ambiguity. There is a longing — expressed in countless ways and tests for the new leader — a longing for someone to do the tough work: make the hard decisions, sort out the competing priorities, deal with the high-level performance problems and personality conflicts, assign the scant resources, and otherwise temper the embedded spirit of political competition among the players.
Dropping into the Void is a feeling of personal exposure, risk, and responsibility. It is raw and real. In order to survive and succeed within this free fall, the executive must deal with things that he or she has been avoiding (a‑void-ing!) If I have issues with power and authority, I find them in my face when I drop into the Void. If I have a fear of failure, that fear quickly comes forward. If I have to have control, that will be mirrored back to me in conflicts and resentments. If I’ve never paid much attention to developing my own staff, that will show up plainly in my results. Within the leadership dependency model, these issues could be bypassed or covered up. The old skillfulness had a certain teflon quality to it. But take out the leader who reinforces these past dependencies and the floor gives way. The chickens, as they say, come home to roost.
When I think of the best leaders I have worked with, they all get this point: they are changing the social contract. Here are some of the ways I have observed these good folks to operate:
- They don’t make all the decisions. They refuse to make decisions their reports should be making for themselves.
- They are clear about their expectation that people work collaboratively and they will intervene when it does not occur — not to get people out of their trap, but to mirror the need for them to use their own wisdom, values, and care for one another to get out on their own.
- They don’t do all the planning; they confront the group with its absence of planning.
- They may not specify exact outcomes and they certainly don’t expect perfection, but they do require progress.
- They don’t allow the group to self-victimize or blame others for issues and organizational problems; not suppliers, not customers, not the Board, not the union, not employees. Instead they challenge group members to deal with the internal conflicts they have real control over.
- They ask for feedback about their own leadership. They disclose their own challenges, strengths, problems, and mistakes. They tell people what they are thinking — and how they think.
- They ask people to talk to each other and they are especially dissatisfied when people say things to them after a meeting that should have been said during the meeting.
- They put the “undiscussables” on the table for fair consideration and hold the group to its confrontation of the issues.
- They are frustrated with meetings that are for information sharing only; without real, honest dialogue the meeting isn’t worth it.
- They are exceptional at inquiry, overtly and consciously asking people to do their own thinking.
- They don’t take interpersonal or business risks away from people — instead they make them even more conscious and public, and provide the sounding board essential to making these risks calculable and take-able.
- They listen carefully to the insecurities of others and without caretaking, provide affirmation, support, and a truer form of love than is often found in families.
And one last behavior: they are patient. They know it is a long road. They are willing to keep the Void present, right here right now, and for a long time so that everyone, including themselves, can learn. They hold the tension first so that others are eventually able to do so for themselves.
At least these are some of the things I have seen. Have you also seen this phenomenon in your organizational life? Have you ever felt that feeling of dropping into the Void? Have you led others through it?
I have felt that dropping into the void. It’s scary but exciting, too. It’s the only way you can get up enough speed to fly! I love dropping other people off into it. I don’t think I have guided them through it. I think I have only told them that they had everything they needed to survive it and that it would be fun. I like this post very much, especially the part about discussing what affects the group in the group. It’s rocky at first, but we get better with practice.
You are so right, Marianne, that we get better with practice. Sometimes I feel that is the whole message: we aren’t, and don’t have to be perfect; we just have to practice. Then, the bird flies.…I like your feeling about how exciting this can be. When I’ve worked in Jackson Hole, Wyoming at a wonderful resort called Spring Creek Ranch, I’ve observed how the birds learn to fly in the wind above the bluffs — absolutely stable and centered, hovering above a single point of ground. It takes some time I’m sure; it takes something to learn this skill, but it is a wonderful skill to learn! When I see those birds I also know what direction I am to head. Like them, I too must learn to surf the cool and fragrant air. I too must give way to freedom and to joy.
These comments remind me of a quote from Winston Churchill: “Kites rise highest against the wind… not with it.”
Marianne’s comments remind me of Susan Jeffer’s exhortation (in “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway”) to cultivate the belief that, no matter what happens, “I can handle it”.
The references in Dan’s post to “the void” remind me of times when a teacher (or other presenter) would ask a penetrating question … and be willing to let the class / audience dwell in silence as we pondered potential responses … for as long as it took for someone to muster the gumption to respond aloud. While those voids are always uncomfortable, they often produce the most engaging discussions.
More personally, I find myself often rushing to fill voids, ensuring that I am “occupied” with something … anything. On those rare occasions when I am willing to tolerate the discomfort of creating and sustaining a void (e.g., through [attempts at] meditation), entirely new channels of inspiration and revelation open up to me.
I’m not sure whether / how this relates to leadership … except that if this void-aversion is widely shared, then it might help explain why so many people are eager to turn to others (leaders) to fill their voids … and why some leaders are able to perpetuate their control by providing a steady stream of void-avoiding “filler”.
I think you have it exactly, Joe. The “void-aversion” is the result of being pressed outside of a personal or group comfort zone. The dependency leadership model helps us defend against the feelings associated with dropping into the void. There is a well-known poem called “Edges” by Claire Morris that gets at this:
When we walk to the edge
of all the light we have
and take the step into the
darkness of the unknown,
we must believe one of
two things will happen–
There will be something solid
for us to stand on,
or we will be taught
how to fly.
I believe a leader’s greatest gift can be the modeling and encouragement that helps us walk to the edge and take that first step into darkness.
Good morning, Dan. Read this post just now and want to make a quick comment. I have been dropped into the void this year through personal tragedy. I am reminded of Jung’s great quote — what we don’t live out in consciousness, we live out in fate. Because I wasn’t living in consciousness, the void came to me through fate.
Painful as it is, I have come to accept it. As they say in Alanon, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
I agree that a great leader (seen any lately?) can help an organization drop into the void. More likely is the leader who can help an organization recognize and understand that the fate of the company has led it to drop into the void. Hopefully that is what I am doing on a personal level. Hopefully it is what I do on a professional level as a consultant.
Most of what I see in the business world is unconscious acting out by executives and staff until fate steps in and delivers the necessary lesson. We only need to remember the Sego mine disaster of this week as an example of fate versus consciousness.
I loved your litany of ideas that leaders can do to support organizational awareness versus “dependency leadershipâ€. If I have time (I don’t) I will go back and carefully read each one and ask myself what skills I would need to take each of these actions.
Thanks, Dan, for your courageous leadership through writing in your blog.
Jay
Thank you, Jay. Your reminder of Jung’s famous line about fate and consciousness is right on. I agree that we ignore the Void at our peril. Greater consciousness is the ultimate outcome BUT only after ignorance has led us into some kind of disaster and a “message” has been delivered. AKA, learning.
You have walked over many hot rocks, my friend. Hang in there.
Maybe since I havn’t had much experience in the corporate business world I
havn’t had the opportunity to watch fate intervene from a lack of vision
towards striving for that void spoken of above. But the unconscious world
expands infinitely around us, and the business world is just a small, and
very accurate microcosm of the sadness inherent the essential missing
piece of the human journey.
I.E. “the void” itself. Why arent we teaching others about the void?
Why is it only in a blog on the internet, and books few and far between,
where I can read about people who have realized that there is something
greater than the frustrating drama we have learned to create for ourselves
both at work and in the masterpieces of our lives.
My scope of leadership comes from a basketball court. Where a coach must
lead his players, ultimately towards success, however that might be
defined. Just as a manager, or president must lead his business to
success. But that leads me to the final question I will blatantly ponder
here; what is success? Is it winning? Is it making as much money as
possible? Because that is pretty much what I see everytime I turn on the
tv, or look outside at the advertisements as I drive down the street on
the 25th day of rain. How do we actually find success, how do we actually
reach what it means to “be happy.” Well, in so little words, some or all
of us have touched it at times, right? The void itself, beauty, art, a
community of people working together, celebrating each other, sacrificing
their personal glory for a greater good.
But you don’t see much of that on tv, and when you do it is always tainted
by the reality you find yourself in when you turn it back off. We have
bills to pay, food to put on the table, so maybe success really is just
making as much money as we can. Personally, I sure hope not!
-Jordan Howell
This is a beautiful and remarkable comment with questions that go deep. Indeed, what is success? Where does happiness come from? These are the questions of someone who is very much willing to look into the Void. An “old soul” in a young body. Coming to terms with unconsciousness, whether personal, organizational, or societal, can be grueling or painful, but it also helps us recognize reality and can bring forward a very different viewpoint: one that accepts what is — perhaps a very dark night — but also one that is willing to build a fire against that night to warm us all. You have articulated so well, Jordan, what it means to begin real leadership. You have to look right into that Void and then know in your heart the changes you will stand for and work for over time. Then the “I” can also become a “We” focused on releasing the best gifts of many to change the world in positive ways. Soon it will be MLK day. There was a man who could look far into the night and then begin gathering kindling.