Is it me, or is there an epidemic out there right now regarding the judgments of leaders about those who work for them? I hear it over and over: “How do I get them to step up?” “They don’t work as hard as I do — they don’t have the same work ethic.” “Why don’t they just do their jobs?” “How come the simplest things, turning in time sheets for instance, results in my having to nag and nag?” And we are not talking about people new to the workplace. It’s the experienced managers who are not “stepping up” or “working as hard,” people who have been in their positions for some time, who appear to be the problem. “I shouldn’t have to remind them about any of this stuff?”
The tone of these judgments is one of frustration, anger, disappointment and self-blame. At a recent workshop, for example, the head of a public service agency complained, “After taking this job I tried to engage the managers in building a vision together and really taking on the challenges we collectively face, but at a point one of them spoke up to ask, ‘Look, can’t you just tell us what you want?’ ” There was a kind of mystified disappointment in the agency head’s voice as he spoke. Again, it was one of those things the others were just supposed to get, part of the job, standing up to help guide the agency, not displace their own leadership onto him. He had found himself becoming increasingly judgmental and autocratic — “the easier road,” he said.
Cobalt light in a local city park
Part of the context, of course, is what has happened over the past few years to organizations because of lack of resources and because of fear. People are hunkered down, doing tasks as if tasks were the only part of the work that mattered anymore. Get it done! Get it done! Get it done! When I talk with leaders and they become gradually safer and more open, tasks sometimes seem to be their only world. They feel the weight of it acutely; their sole value in what they can make happen. Everything else — everything else — is a risk, a fluff, a non-value-added distraction from the reality that there is barely enough time, barely enough money, barely enough energy to get on with what must be accomplished in a world where every single stakeholder except themselves is to be satisfied first.
This giving over of the self of the leader is what, I believe, then results in the symptom of distress called complaining, called judging others. When the leaders give up themselves because of the pressure, it is entirely understandable that criticizing others becomes a natural outcome, the option called emotional relief. In turn this leads to self-judgment. “I shouldn’t need to complain.” Pretty soon, this can lead to colluding in a self-fulfilling prophecy: even the leaders with the best of intentions begin to say, “just tell me what to do.”
I suppose I could insert here advice about having the guts to clarify real expectations legitimately placed on other leaders, or make suggestions about holding others accountable, about authentic engagement and relationship building, about mentoring and learning and telling the truth, but all of that is really secondary to the darker, more destructive thing going on — which is the commoditizing of people. Because frankly today the deeper message is that people matter much less than the tasks at hand. And that commoditizing first and foremost is happening with the leaders themselves.
In this transactional world, all of us can be changed out more easily; all of us can be waved aside. The inner person only matters if it is devoted to something larger: the mission, the clients, the customers, the bosses, the Board, the money. Lord knows, the money. We’re all secondary to that, and more than we’ve ever been. This is the hole that we’ve collectively dug out of giving, out of putting the work first, out of self-victimizing and compromising who we actually are and what we truly need. What our judgments of others do is remind us that we are still in there someplace, still alive. Our complaints about those who work for us confirm our value via our comparison to those less powerful than ourselves.
It’s the same old story, isn’t it? The ever-present risk of the loss of our own humanity in favor of something else for somebody else where we too often claim “no choice.” What’s really risky these days as leaders is standing up for our humanity, standing up for our intrinsic value in the midst of the pain of our systems and cultures we inhabit. Standing up to say, “This isn’t working. We need a better way, together.”
What’s to be said about such a trend other than this, that it’s heartbreaking and that the very first thing we need to do is to stop. Stop long enough to pay attention. Stop just long enough to remind ourselves who we really are before choosing where next to invest our energies.
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Interesting piece Dan. I agree wholeheartedly. We have a generational divide, not only in the workplace, but everywhere. Never before have younger generations had the information available to them as at present. Plus younger people learn faster and easier. Managers (Boomers and some Genx’s) have only their experience to fall back on, since they are at a learning disadvantage.
Managerial defensiveness is a result of insecurity. They’re scared. Rather than embrace the Millennial generation as assets and peers, they treat them as they would their children.
I believe those managers that accept what they don’t know and find ways to evolve will find a loyal team in Millennials. Those that don’t, will become irrelevant.
Excellent post Dan, as usual.
I resonated with the whole thing and my heart and soul has words the mouth doesn’t feel like speaking so I’ll simply highlight some of your quotes.
Specifically want to emphasize the chronic tendency to consider humans to be an interruption. ‘You’re interrupting me. I“m too busy for you.…AND too ‘important’ for you…’ (latter part implied)
On a little more integrity…please.…
And last but not least…
Thanks for sharing your heart Dan. AS always, I appreciate the REAL from you. Very refreshing in a world that too often refers the ‘spin’…
Dear Clay~
Thank you so much for commenting here. While I was not in this post speaking directly about the tension between boomer and millennial employees, I completely agree it’s a problem. Judgment about millennials is a cop out of the first order, a form of reverse agism and distinctively maladaptive. My favorite support site on this subject is Jon Mertz’s Thin Difference. I love his work to bring understanding and break down barriers.
Again, Clay, welcome and thank you so much for stopping by!
~Dan
Dear Samantha~
As always, thanks for the mirror. It’s great to know which of these words speaks loudest. I so appreciate that feedback and your ongoing support for my work.
I’m honored!
All the best
~Dan
PS, Sorry about the problem using BOLD. Sometimes it seems like I have to kind of wait for it, too. Otherwise, haven’t got a clue what the problem might be!
Yes…the emotional release of giving ourselves permission to reduce the Other…ever the temptation.
Dear Dan,
Everything in this piece resonates with my experience of what is happening in the workplace (and basically — we see this everywhere in different forms).
Now that we know more from social neuroscience about what our bodies convey in communication we know that these attitudes are constantly being “felt” with co-workers. There is a kind of despair in so much of it and to Clay’s point — fear is the driver.
Reading lately more deeply about trauma, I’ve come to learn that we have to more broadly define what its like for people to work like this — day after day — with so little emotional support. And in many cases, abuse.
As Samantha point out, humans are being perceived as interruptions to the endless treadmill of tasks. I hear it often — He/she is great — they get things done!
Of course all of this is unsustainable — which is part of what is going on now. The status quo is unraveling in hundreds of ways. And it all flies in the face of the rhetoric that many companies and leaders are promoting and trying to “brand,” being more social, people first, etc.
Outstanding piece. Sensitive and insightful as always. Thank you for it.
Best~
Louise
Hi Louise!
I just want to pipe in on one of your comments that TOTALLY resonated w/ me as well.
You said,
The status quo is unraveling in hundreds of ways. And it all flies in the face of the rhetoric that many companies and leaders are promoting and trying to “brand,” being more social, people first, etc.
I couldn’t agree more!
Now I also want to say that I“m not even remotely referring to ‘perfection’. I believe all of us (Dan, you, I, and others) are referring to a chronic and pervasive ‘issue’ that goes well beyond a minor lapse of integrity or blip here and there.
Example: We can see what you are saying when people like to TALK about ‘servant leadership’… we can have CHATS about what it means to practice servant leadership. And then everyone will turn around and pat ourselves and each other on the back for how brilliant we were able to TALK about what that means and what it looks like and yet.…
Yet.….
When do we actually EXPERIENCE this in our REAL day to day lives?
And this is the crux of the issue. Talking about honesty and integrity doesn’t mean it is being lived. Writing about servant leadership isn’t practicing it. Just because a ‘brand’ is all about love and compassion in ‘words’, doesn’t mean it is being practiced in real life. It is often just POPULAR. Those are the ‘ideas’ that are easy for people to buy into and may garner trust in the beginning yet unless it is LIVED…it’s not real. No integrity.
Thanks Louise.
PS: I’ll be reading through your latest post on empathy at some point between now and over the weekend. : )
Hi Samantha~
To be fair, it’s safe to say that people “like us,” are a tiny fraction of the prevailing forces in corporate life (and most other institutions). Maybe we’re the bellwether for emerging trends that eventually impact practices — I am sure most of us would like to think that.
But every time any of us go into systems like this we are participating in an economic juggernaut that has profound implications for the lives of millions of people. Often people doing this work have to do a lot of “shape shifting” to help organizations to see beyond their bottom line thinking.
My focus is on people — that what keeps me “in the game.” My commitment is to keep raising up humanity in everything I do. I find this is almost always consistent with what organizations need — even when they don’t articulate that initially.
Thanks Samantha and Dan for letting us use this as a public space!
H Louse,
You wrote:
To be fair, it’s safe to say that people “like us,†are a tiny fraction of the prevailing forces in corporate life (and most other institutions). Maybe we’re the bellwether for emerging trends that eventually impact practices – I am sure most of us would like to think that.
Yes, you are right! And knowing this, I can’t give up hope in David and Goliath principles! (grins) And that’s to be taken as a purely spiritual rather then religious statement! : )
Otherwise, along with a little help from our friends (each other) I’ve also had some David Whyte to fall back on and inspire me when my voice feels too small.
There’s a chapter on using our voice in his book, The Heart Aroused: Poetry and Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America.
He refers to our tiny mouse voices.. the necessity before our courage is found to be able to ‘roar like a lion without killing anyone’! haha I’ve always loved his analogy because that has been a great deal of my struggle since I FOUND my voice! Instead of being quiet and passive, I now know how to roar like a lion when I feel I need to!
However, roaring alone doesn’t help. It has to be tempered enough to be able to do it without ‘killing’ people and that’s where I“m still learning on my own journey right now.
Thank you encouraging more lively discussion on this topic Louise! (and for Dan in advance since he generally has some awesome tidbit to share )
x
Mylor~
Well yes, and that calls for the Other to reduce us, as well. If we keep this up we’ll both be nothing more than sand grains (but you’ll still be smaller).
Thanks for stopping by, my friend!
~Dan
My dear Samantha and Louise!
I happened to be in a meeting while your comments came in and was eager to join the conversation — but could not! Thank you both for this lovely exchange. I do think there is a growing community of people who in whatever ways possible ways contribute to that “commitment … to keep raising up humanity,” to use your eloquent phrase, Louise. Humanity raised up within us and without, and I would add, nature raised up within and without, as well.
This is a connection, perhaps framed along the routes of some intrinsic psychic force (I wouldn’t be surprised). All I know is that it is an expression of what is beyond us that must be cherished as it flows into the world.
It’s an honor to find a place for such a conversation and I’m glad I’m in the club with both of you.
All the best!
~Dan
Dan,
Where we choose to invest our energies. In these few written words, the weight of our choices are clearly set. It the pie chart of our energies is defined by how we want to live and what we want to do, we can then begin to decide where to invest. Yes, some money is needed to live and provide. Yes, there are many distractions so we need to decide where to invest and what to ignore. And so we begin to slice our pie chart of where we want to invest our energies.
This may be a worthwhile way to live and lead. If some slices of where we invest become so thin, we may (and should) question their relevance. If some are so thin yet have the biggest impact, we may need to adjust in other ways.
We can be judged quickly and unfairly. How we rise above this may be based on where we choose to spend our energies. If we do this, the judging by others may be less relevant.
Thank you for another thought-provoking article.
Jon
Dear Jon~
Thank you, as always, for your thoughtful comments. Choice is indeed core to the issues I am discussing in this post. It’s when things are out of consciousness, taken for granted, seemingly unchosen that stopping to reflect becomes a quite valuable personal investment. My article is about giving too much energy to a critique of others and what that may point to.
I believe that leading judgmentally is often a symptom of the leader withdrawing from awareness because tasks have become the be all and end all, the shoulds that reign rather than the person who is to carry out the work of leading. This is true not just of others’ judgments of us but also of the shoulds within and self-judgments that we place on ourselves, regardless of others’ opinions. When we let the shoulds overwhelm us, no matter their source, it’s easy to turn to blame and criticism of others as a salve for our own woundedness.
I love your notion that when a person more consciously invests, others’ judgments cease to have such power. And that would be precisely because we’ve constructively faced the possible self-judgments that most powerfully keep us on the run.
Thank you, Jon!
Jon,
The “no choice” claim is scary but true. Unfortunately, I come across more and more folks who seem trapped by their own fear. They chose to limit their potential in an effort to gain a false sense of security.