The central means by which informal power is maintained in an organization is all too often through the discrediting and exclusion of people. This creates a tight circle of control and a culture based on generalized performance anxiety, competitions, fixed mindsets, and fears of scarcity. Because it’s “culture,” these factors tend to be felt — but are spoken of only in the background. They may not even be that obvious in group meetings where people must show up and look cooperative. Many good things may seem to be going on. Programs are getting carried out, people are being served and helping each other — at least on the surface. But underneath it, the discrediting and exclusion of people still works effectively as a control mechanism. Perks still flow to the best discreditor.
A manager is asked to talk with a technical consultant regarding a problem she is facing in one of her teams. The two meet but the manager doesn’t ask the consultant for an engagement. Later the consultant says with a certain smirking tone to one of the organization’s executives, “Well, it was just a “check the box” kind of meeting.” He doesn’t have to say more. It even sounds thoughtful. But the true implication is she’s not open to his expertise, begging the question of her motives, not his.
Surely, it is the consultant who is rationalizing his lack of success, and doing it in a way that is careful and subtle but also quite demeaning. Maybe he didn’t present himself very well. Maybe he is actually quite arrogant in the way he comes across. Maybe the manager was concerned about the consultant’s control issues. It really doesn’t matter what actually happened. The point is that he treats the situation as if he has been discredited by the manager and he therefore discredits in return, in the background, without the manager knowing — in a place where her reputation is made or unmade. AKA, this is retaliation. This creates a nasty cycle, and the game is which person is better at the discrediting process. If he can discredit the manager, even if he doesn’t get the engagement, he comes out on top. And if he’s a particularly good and political player, he may very well win the game — depending on how he can influence others to agree with his negative assessments.
If you look closely at the culture of such an organization, you may see this interpersonal violence going on almost all the time. Meetings with top leaders may be particularly prone to subtle and not so subtle put-downs and vague conversations that don’t go beyond where people imagine discrediting will begin. This would be especially true where the top person typically manages by discrediting others, too. No one wants to be the target — and when that top person is around literally anything can become a source of a discrediting exchange. If you participate, you can be discredited for what you say. If you don’t, you can be discredited for not speaking up. If you speak your truth with some emotion, you can be discredited for the passion. If you speak without passion, it’s clear you are not “all in.” Trying to fight being discredited is cause for further discrediting. Whoever discredits others best wins.
The patterns of discrediting are built into stories and habits that protect the members of the organization from the deep pain of what is really going on. They build alliances in hope of stopping the process, at least within some supportive, closer circle.
It is wise to remember that these patterns of discrediting are broader than any one organization. They are institutional, locked up in the past with foundations deep in our common ground. Discrimination against people of color — discrimination of all kinds — is full of discrediting, a model for our personal and collective shadows. Ferguson is no mistake — nor the St. Louis Family Court — nor certainly, thinking of women, Cosby. Learning to blame the victim, in whatever form, becomes a massively important skill to support the worst of our dying, self-justifying, most ignorant perspectives. This is the society we live in, and in a last gasp it is the very thing that keeps trying to recreate itself, as if discrediting could ever actually result in some more positive, constructive version of reality, as if it could result in happiness or peace or, considering organizations, something like “productivity.”
Which totally begs the question of where all this discrediting actually comes from — the soul of the machinery itself. You be the analyst on this one. Where do you think discrediting comes from in this society, really? What do you believe about it’s deepest personal sources? And maybe, also, what does it do to the discreditor?
In fact — this is the last question — what if anything does this have to do with you and me? What does it have to do with any form of us?
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It comes from our small, insecure little “i” wanting to be a grand, large, big “I.” And in order to do so, to be so, to feel so, I need to minimize you, make you irrelevant, marginalize you…so I feel some sense of grandiosity, some sense of me that I cannot feel inside, some sense of me that was lost a long, long time ago and have been seeking on the “outside” at your expense. I cannot feel like a “somebody” unless I make you feel like a “nobody.”
Peter~
Perfectly said. Finding the “some sense of me that I cannot feel inside” is a very accurate way to say it — and has extensions to our culture at large which, I believe, struggles mightily with the true worth of human beings.
Thank you so much for stopping by to leave a comment. Much appreciation to you!
~Dan
Hi Dan
Many than for a very thought provoking article, that was well written. I enjoyed the read, and have shared this further to my audience.
Frank~
Thank you so much. I’m honored that you shared this post. You provide so much amazing content for your followers! Highly recommended: FOLLOW FRANK GAINSFORD!
All the best
Dan
Dan,
A great piece beautifully framed around a truly challenging subject and behavior pattern.
So endemic of the post-Industrial era, rooted in fear, power, authority, and the machinations generated thereby.
Bravo!
Doug~
Thank you for your comment! Indeed, discrediting and exclusion are an inheritance. Even as we learn to become more generative, the past can still disguise itself in a naive belief we have fully escaped. This is why people like you are so important — to be articulate, thoughtful, and passionate about the new directions, making sure — to quote The Who — “we don’t get fooled again.”
It’s wonderful to see you here!
Best
~Dan
Excellent post, Dan. A very common problem all around but for purposes of this comment I’ll focus on organizations. As you noted, when leaders in a position of power use this tactic routinely the people in the organization work to develop strategies to cope and protect themselves. These efforts consume an enormous amount of energy and creativity that could be put to much better use. It is very difficult for people to call out this behavior to do the power inequality and fear of retaliation or worse, losing their job. Sometimes when I have worked with these leaders I encourage them to “just say what it is” without the unnecessary commentary and discrediting behavior but it seems beyond them. More words than would be appropriate here would be needed to explore this fully or delve into the psychology behind it but I would love if somehow this message could it home and put an end to the destructive and wasteful behavior. I guess I’m a little bit passionate about this one. 🙂 Well done.
Scott~
Thank you so much — it’s clear you have experienced the pattern I’m expressing. It is wasteful — very wasteful, and it is difficult to know what to do when it “seems beyond” the client. I believe this phenomenon requires a much deeper dialogue: e.g., what is “discrediting” behavior? where does it come from? what can any of us do about it in the moment and in the bigger context of organizational culture? how are our own actions implicated?
This may not be a dialogue initially with the client, but with ourselves so that we can begin to intervene more effectively, have strategies and don’t get so hooked (I know I do!)
And thanks for saying you are passionate about this! I believe it is absolutely worth our passion and our clarity as to why and how the pattern must change.
All the best
~Dan
Very powerful stuff, challenges me a lot. Thanks for the article! Something I do struggle with..
I have seen this in action many places I have worked throughout the years and it is a shame since it wastes resources and makes a work environment less fun and productive.
People have to be balanced and confident in their abilities and that management will recognize hard work, so they will not worry about this type of negative competing.
Its a shame that we have this competitiveness but it is built into society, old fashioned values of hard work pays off seems to have been replaced by do whatever it takes to get successful, promotion etc.., which breeds this kind of environment. Some people may not even realize what they are doing it is so much part of the culture.
Seems to me that it has to be worked hard from the top leadership to make an organization that is free of this type of environment but I believe it would pay off in the end.
Thanks for this article it is very well thought out about an issue in many work places in society today.
Lou!
Thank you so much for your comment — especially your perspective on the importance of hard work — and the importance of building workplace cultures that are both productive and fun. It seems that some “old fashioned” values may not be so old fashioned at all, but we have forgotten their importance to our lives and our work.
All the best to you, and thanks again for stopping by~
Dan